The Brady Bunch
BrADy BuNCh
Foreword

The Brady Bunch is an evocative presentation for Me, providing a fulcrum accentuating horror & occult entertainment by contrast. The Brady House is located in My hometown, just a few scant blocks from where I went to school. The mode of dress, æsthetics, speech patterns, common concerns, and environment provide for a nascent contemplation of hellementary grade school.

It is also noted that there are minimal to no references to theistic idealizations, concentrating on pragmatism and ethical guidelines, instead of spiritual mandates or absolutes. Any clerics or church references are preserved in a generic sense, while plotlines are kept general. Overall, there is a sense of balance & responsibility.

Though My own personal æsthetics and ethical structure naturally leans towards The Addams Family, I find The Brady Bunch a functional family unit with minimal pretention. When any of the characters get out of line, they are always brought to task by cause & effect life experiences, and reasonable discipline.


🗿🗿🗿TIKI TRILOGY: Hawaii Bound, Pass the tabu, the tiki caves.

The Bradys go to Hawaii, greeted by lovely hulamaids who dispense sexcellent leis on everyone, then start off at the Pearl Harbor memorial {where Mike reads the dedication plaque inscription}, and the King Kamehameha statue.

bobby finds a taboo idol, and thoughtlessly puts it around his neck! Might as well have been a noose! Nobody believes in its influence, even while experiencing it effects! Mr. Brady thinks its "coincidence", but a series of so-called "coincidences" adds up to confirmation. They eventually change their tune upon the steady stream of ill-fated incidents occur.

  • bobby jumps up and crushes ukulele while sitting on the wall outside hotel where Don Ho serenaded he and sindy.
  • greg wipes out while surfing, almost drowns, needs to be rescued.
  • Heavy wall mask falls on bobby's pillow, almost crushing him.
  • Alice kinks her back so bad she has to stop hula lessons, and needs to be escorted.
  • Tarantula {Socrates, is that you?} crawls on peter, then later gets into Jan's bag.

    Each and every time it is misplaced, always finds a way to return into bobby's possession, as if to say it is his responsibility to deal with it because he found it. Upon talking about the idol with a native friend, he informs the boys of what it is, so after so many misfortunes occur, decide to talk to a knowledgeable gentleman about it, explaining that it must be properly placed amongst the place of the ancient kings, which leads them to take a bus to a cave in a remote area of the islands, spotted by tiki statues. I recall tales of having to drop pork on the haunted roads so as to avoid the wrath of a phantom army of warriors. Otherwise malfunctions and misfortunes follow.

    But they're not the only ones in those caverns! By the by, they eventually encounter Uncle Vinnie as an archaeologist in residence Prof. Hubert Whitehead, just trying to be compensated for his past efforts, discoveries absconded by a former partner. After attempting to scare them away, he ties them up for interrogation, convinced that the idol was found in the cave instead of back on the shores of Honolulu. Amusingly, he retains a tiki friend named "Oliver", and what comparisons can be made with an eventual namesake relative at the conclusion of the following season who is quite the jinx? 2° of separation methinks...

    When the boys fail to return from "sightseeing" by sundown, Mike & Carol decide to search for them. Surprisingly, greg had previously wisely suggested that they leave a trail of bobby's popcorn so they could find their way back, which then leads Mr/s. Brady to the cave. Upon explanation, they decide to become witnesses to the treasure trove of artifacts in this cavern for accolades and a museum exhibit under his name. Everyone celebrates at a fiery luau, which Uncle Vinnie asserts that Oliver would have enjoyed.

    It is fact that the mail system receives packages from around the world from tourists who absconded with portions of the islands, from rocks to certain souvenirs trying to rid themselves of the malediction attached to them.

    Nightwalkers: I recall tales of having to drop pork on certain haunted roads so as to avoid the wrath of a phantom army of warriors. Otherwise malfunctions and misfortunes follow.

    One Bob Crane {Hogan's Heroes} was found murdered in his hotel room with all bones crushed, after mocking the Hawaiian gods for the television special "The Hawaii Experience" which was plagued with misfortune.


    Peter's [bukkake] volcano: Marcia gets a complex about having to reinvent herself in highschool, so she ends up joining just about every club available. Yoga, in leotards upside down in the living room; Karate, wherein after being teased by greg, flips him onto he floor - the consensus is, "Wow! It really does work!"; scubadiving, freaks out Alice who thought she was the Creature From The Black Lagoon! Archery, delivers an arrow into Mike's briefcase!

    Meanwhile, Peter's working on a school project volcano for science class - getting the chickenwire, mud, tube, battery and wiring prepared for the big eruption! Things come to a head when marcia's being considered for some pretentious ladies club, when peter tests his volcano, which then squirts mudwater all over them bukkake style! marcia laughs hysterically as if in a frenzied release of stress!

    Peter develops a new obsession and decides to try his hand at being a reporter, even donning the fedora with press card inserted therein. He discovers that by positively writing up certain students in the paper, he receives certain benefits, from confectionary treats to party invitations to perhaps even dates! But when he gets a D in English, he tries to manipulate the teacher with complements, to no avail. Meanwhile, the girls are mimicking the instructor with a puppet. Apparently, he's considered the dullest teacher with the most boring class. So this seems like a way of decompression. Perhaps he should be more animate and engaging, while the class more attentive. The best way to learn!

    Sindy's secret admirer: Sindy's feeling like her sisters are getting all the amorous attention, so she sets to look and act older to gain a boyfriend. bobby feels sorry for her, so he pretends to be her secret admirer, sending her poetry and candybars, but gets himself in trouble when she insists they meet, during an amusing conversation wherein he holds a handkerchief over a public phone receiver. After having a conversation with Mr/s. Brady after when discovered on the porch in the wee hours depositing a letter in the mailbox locking himself outside, he bribes a friend with a Kennedy silver dollar to stand in for him.

    After trying to act mature, eschewing swings and the teetertotter, or even climbing a tree, he decides to leave, but then she reveals her true dispositions is naturally for all those things, nd they get long wonderfully. The boy feels guilty for taking bobby's coin now that he actually likes her, so ends up giving it back. He feels that everything turned out well after all, feeling no sense of culpability, to Mr/s. Brady' chagrin. The little sociopath.

    Carol gets a ding on the car at the market. At 1st the other driver {"Mr. Dugan" played by Uncle Fester!} agrees to settle out of court, but then gets an estimate that he could scurrilously gain all sorts of other fixes to his vehicle using this incident as an excuse. Upon visiting the Brady residence, he shows symptoms of misogyny and is shown the door. A shortime later bobby & sindy come down the stairs but can't be sure Carol looked back to spot any incoming traffic. Mike suggests they reenact the events.

    Turns out the siblings were fighting about spilt icecream at the exactime and could have missed her looking back. In court, Dugan arrives with a neckbrace, but it is eventually revealed this is an attempt try to sway the decision of the court, when Mike strategically drops his briefcase, causing Dugan to suddenly turn his head, revealing his deceit. The court rules in favor of The Bradys.


    The earworm that ate their brains! This week greg gets an earworm to create a song but can't afford studio time. So he enlists all siblings to pitch in and participate, but then Peter's voice starts cracking & changing. Still, greg manages a part for him as well, theming a song to changes, yielding a most amusing song!

    The Eccentric aunt: The family retrieve a few items from the attic. When Jan sees a picture of her penpal aunt, she fears she's going to one day look like her. {She sort of resembles Endora, just not as hellegant}. But upon meeting her, becomes enamored of her eccentricities, adventures, and overall persona. She brings everyone gifts from around the world, and sits with everyone for a tea ceremony. Then she has to suddenly depart for some international engagement. In the end, Jan now doesn't mind, or even looks forwards to being like her aunt!

    Napoleon complex: bobby comes to terms with his small height, and even challenges greg to a chinup contest, which he wins! After weightraining a few days beforehand. As consequence, greg has to be his virtual slave for a whole week! After making him toil, then he wants to go out to the movies along with greg's date! The convertible rooftop ends up getting pierced by an umbrella!

    Then greg gets locked into the freezer as bobby closed the door behind him. Then ironically it is his small stature that gets him through the window to try to open the door on the other side, but it won't open on account that greg had tried to axe it open first! Breaking the locking mechanism! So bobby calls on the public phone with a cold dime. Upon extracting greg, Sam mentions that he's going to get that freezer upgraded nomatter the cost, but however, there is a subsequent episode {with Zydeko McBean, or "Oliver"} where he says the same thing!

    So after this bout of 'little man syndrome', bobby proclaims that he likes being diminutive after all! So long as you're 'BIG' where it counts!


    Being the president of the local fan club for Davey Jones, she has a remarkably difficultime getting in contact with the hobbit, when you'd think he'd have better connections to those who veritably almost like worship him! Free tickets, backstage passes, something! Especially with a groupie fan gal like Marcia. Unless he's just completely ingracious, as this picture may ASSert.

    So he sings a song called "Girl" like a girl, but I like Danzig's version better! HA! {It just so happens that there is also a song called "Girl" on Lucifuge}.

    After feeling useless in contributing something to the family, bobby and sindy decide to ride the teetertotter to gain recognition for doing something and make a mark - that's the spirit! They succeed in being champions for their demographic! And become local celebrities!

    Greg's explains to Carol about bruising his rib with a hairline fracture. She panics and forbids him to play football any longer, so he becomes the team photographer instead. An easy transition since enlarging a photo of a footballer's foot just inside the goaline and showing it to the coach. He teases her at the end stating that he could still get hurt if he breaks an eyelash!

    bobby goes around taking pictures of everyone and everything with his new camera obsession. One useful scene is when he inadvertently snaps a photo of Alice's lost recipe on the kitchen chalkboard that keeps on getting erased!

    Jan gets glasses after accidentally taking someone else's similar bike from school, then later smashing into the family picture hidden in the garage. They actually suit her face quite well. So everyone gets all gussied up again to take another picture with a bumbling photographer named "gaylord", and he sure looks it! Try to pass it as the original but Mike notices Jan's wearing her glasses in this secondary one, which she wasn't wearing in the 1st! Oops! Busted! He disciplines her by disallowing her to ride her bike for like 2 weeks, but no harm no foul, however. Seems she sold her bike to pay or the frame!


    The boys are stupidly playing basketball indoors when the ball goes flying out the bedroom door, down the hall, and onto a treasured vase, breaking it to pieces. The girls also get in on it. Peter actually tossed the ball, so fearing he may miss a camping trip, clams up and lets everybody else except him take the rap, reminiscent of the I'm Spartacus! scene. Then they get the bright idea to glue it back together, but starts to leak during dinner, causing a hellarious scene where Alice mentions "anybody got 3 coins for the fountain?" Ha!

    A boy jan's interested in develops an infatuation for marcia, to jan's great consternation, thereby blaming marcia for somehow stealing him away. She eventually goes under the impression that her freckles make her unattractive! Not so! She goes to the pharmacy wherein the pharmacist advises her to stay out of the sun and apply lemons to her face, which she does. Upon noticing all her odd behavior, Mrs. Brady investigates by interviewing the boy in question, who eventually informs her that he, along with the other fellas consider jan just one of the guys {explains his being taken with marcia due to female glamor}. So she decides to "dress her up" in a dress, perhaps a little makeup, which does the trick! His face lights up when he sees her, proclaiming that she makes a great-looking girl!


    Mr/s. Brady go out to dinner, and Alice goes out with Sam, leaving groon and marcia in charge babysitting. They become so worried while at the restaurant, thinking Sindy's going to get sicker beyond the sniffles, that they agree to leave and check in on the kids, even though they have to pay cover charge taxes by just sitting in that establishment! So they quietly go about the house, sneaking around and falling over things along the way, eventually running into Alice who herself is quietly returning from her date! They are spotlighted by Police!

    marcia is infatuated again, falling for a nerd fascinated with entomology, but 1st seeks the feminine wiles assistance of Mrs. Brady & Alice for the idea, proving successful. She reads up on entomology, acquires some specimens, and dumps them near his feet while his nose is buried in a book! Also notable is the position he was in while picking up the bugs, where he would have a nice upskirt peek! Garnering his attention, before long, she asks to go steady, but ends up separating after all, calling him a "drip", moving on to the next interest.

    The boys find a wallet containing 1K while playing football. Mr. Brady takes it to the Police station after seeing how they're acting about it, causing a rift between their sisters. They all obsess over it until someone finally claims the wallet, which turns outo be the property of a "Mr. Stoner". He initially wanted to reward them with $100, but Mr. Brady talks him down from $50 to just a meager $20. I would have taken that $100!

    A lesson in responsibility: groon is planning for a car, and asks Mr. Brady for a position at the office, that he also wants to be an architect. He goes about being the office boy, keeping the place spick'n'span While he's given a simple talk to take the plans for the latest project to the post office, he fails by being distracted at the comic book stand, as the plans slide right on out onto the street. He is of course, justifiably & immediately fired. Focus on the task at hand 1st, then you can mess around!

    But due to pressure from Mrs. Brady and even Alice, Mr. Brady decides to give him a 2nd chance. Even then he fouls up, as his bike malfunctions, but just so happens to take a ride with a girl & her dad to the postoffice, but not grabbing the plans on time when dropped off, sending him on a spree to locate the plans, 1st leading him to her play practice, then to a garage where he speaks with a mechanic who informs him that the car is presently in the garage, along with the plans! So he eventually gets it to the postoffice after all!


    greg becomes obsessed with baseball, and he thinks he's the next supertard therein when he briefly meets Don Drysdale, who gives him a couple of pointers, but also that it's not all it's cracked up to be, talking about some of the negative points, like motel rooms and old buses. But it's not until his team is beat at school that he eventually comes to the realization that, withe help of Mr. Brady, that the sport can be a part of life, recreational, not the be all end all.

    Jan's locket from a secret admirer goes missing, casting the whole house in chaos, so it is decided to retrace everyone's steps, to recreate the events leading up to it's disappearance, which worked! As she found it out on the ledge in the bushes. Despite Jan's fantasizing, turns out it was from Alice as a gesture of camaraderie because she was also a middle child.


    sindy accuses bobby of taking her kitty carryall doll, so it is a lesson in circumstantial evidence, in that not everything is always the way it seems, which is why the procurement of evidence is so important in the administration of justice. bobby scrounges up change from his piggy bank and goes to buy her another one, but does not accept it, as it's not the same as her original. Then bobby's kazoo goes missing, blaming her. However, the true culprit makes away with that as well, leading everyone to his doghouse, where several other items have also been absconded!

    cindy & bobby just get done watching cinderella when they start discussing evil stepmothers and such, when Mrs. brady arrives just then to ask bobby to sweep out the chimney, at which point he exaggerates and feels as if enslaved, so he decides to run away. Trying to appease him, they go to but him a bike, but eventually realize this is tantamount to bribery, so they tell the salesman to hold the bike, they will be back in a month for bobby's birthday. Mr. Brady acts nonchalant, using reverse psychology, veritable escorting him out the door, while Mrs. Brady fakes like she's running away too, thereby making him realize how foolish this all is, so he decides to stay.

    The bunch go camping with the boys having a typical misogynistic attitude about having girls along, yet each yields only a tiny fish, while Mrs. Brady has provided a basket containing fried chicken and coldcuts. At 1st the boys a reticent, calling it "sissy food", but give in because of hunger and craving. By the by, marcia & jan project a shadow puppet bear onto the wall of the boys' tent, who jump out spotting the girls and run in behind them, knocking the tent down. Alice's amusing settling down antics of blowing up the bed and putting out the lamp, then one of her hairpins pierces the air mattress, causing a hissing sound the girls think is a snake, causing them to panic. They can't even handle the sound of an owl hooting!

    When the phonebill goes up to $37, Mr/s. Brady realize that they need a 2nd phone in the house, but this also is run up, starting hogging problems between the siblings, screaming, yelling, etc. So while Alice visits Sam for the week's meat ration, she spots a payphone on the wall, acquired because may of his customers ask to use the phone, also running up the bill. Alice suggests this to Mr. Brady, who has one installed in the house for the kids to use, and it works! But when he communicates with a client from it, he's nonplussed about being interrupted by the operator requesting another dime. But he also eventually realizes that this may be a good idea after all, because he also has several kids with similar phone problems.


    Episode entitled "Fright Night" where the siblings frighten eachother with spooky sounds, and sheet ghosts projected onto the trees outside, hoisted with fishline in the attic, to a pulley system rigged to descend down the stairs. They also use a skull with a flashing red light inside! Fun episode!

    Snoop & eavesdropper! Peter hides a tape recorder in the rooms to gets the inside scoop on who's doing what, then reveals it, making others think that the secret they confided in a sibling was broken to him, causing trust issues all around. He finally learns his lesson when gregoon and marcia lead him to believe there's going to be a secret party for him. So he gets all dressed up, only to discover there's no such thing, but Mr/s. Brady give him one anyway now that he's learned his lesson, with crucial timing.

    Marcia helps a shy plain girl out with her looks, boosting her confidence, and eventually decides to compete with her for some speech role as well as popularity. The girl wins the contest, earning her an opportunity to go out on a date with an astronaut but feels bad enough as an ingrate to include her in a veritable double date!
    Overall, greatly reminds Me of the Married With Children episode wherein Kelly has to compete with a gorgeous french sexchange student.


    The girls desire a slumber party, and the boys are determined to haunt it. The principal thinks Marcia drew an unflattering caricature so she has to stay an extra hour at school. Mr/s. Brady believe her, so she can have her slumber party after all but still has to stay that extra hour after school. Marcia calls a girl she suspects who sits at the same desk after her and tells her that she can't come to the party. It is later divulged during the party that it was another girl there who only meant for Marcia to see it. Meanwhile the boys try to spook the girls as well as placing itching powder in their sleeping bags, necessitating that they have to go wash it off, and that would be quite a sight!

    The bunch get into an argument that the house is too small due to the bathroom always being occupied, so Mr/s. Brady endeavor to move into a larger house that is reputedly haunted. But as they are discussing how much hey would miss the house, they get the idea to spook prospective buyers by playing haunting sounds, spooking Alice & Carol, while Mike retains a cool head and finally figures out that it's the kids after all.

    Bobby harbors acrophobia, discovered when he chickens out from climbing into the treehouse. Mr/s. Brady finally figure it out and try whatever they can to try to get him to overcome it, including bringing in a trampoline, greg on stilts, riding high on the swing, and helping Mr. Brady to repair shutters, which were not initially broken the 1st place, but ironically become so during this ruse. But instead of climbing up on the ladder, bobby takes him the hammer through the house out the 2nd floor window! Ha! He eventually gets over it when his parakeet flies up on the swing, at which point he climbs up to get him.

    peter saves a girl from being crushed underneath a shelf, so he becomes a local celebrity hero. But then becomes too big for his britches, starts ordering the other kids around, becoming pretentious. The girl's mother offers that he can get whatever he wants in a toystore, so he does - boxes and boxes! Not so bad, as they were already there, but no more. Mr. Brady says he can only keep one toy and has to send the rest back. Boo! Then the local paper comes over to take another picture of him, giving him a plaque and $50 as well which he decides to spend on a party. But no one wants to go to it in his pretentious state. So he learns his lesson when nobody shows up, not even his siblings, all depressed in his room. But now that he changed his attitude, the bunch greet him for the party!


    Dear Libby. The bunch think Mike & Carol are having marital problems, so they each write to a newspaper advice column under various pseudonyms, each emerging when called. Considering it so odd, Libby comes to the house, informing everybody that the original concerned commentary is from somewhere in the Midwest, but definitely not them! They all rejoice!

    Alice thinks she's not needed anymore, so she makes up a story about having to go care for an ailing aunt in Seattle, then switches to Sacramento, at which point Mike & Carol realize she's lying, so they decide that they and the bunch have to show her that she really is needed, thus embarking upon a campaign feigning ineptitude and being generally overwhelmed. Alice realizes they're doing this, an rightly considers that enough cause to remain. Yay!

    sindy is chosen to be a fairy princess in a school paly, but can only choose 1 parent to go with her. Befuddled, she decides to quit the play by faking a sprained ankle. Mike & Carol eventually figure out what's going on, encouraging her to continue with the play, along with a very special performance for the whole family!

    The bunch are to decide between a female and a male doctor, being uncomfortable with the other's pediatrician, but like I observed early on, why not just keep them both on? 1 for the boys and 1 for girls? That's exactly what happens, and the petty sibling rivalry is abated. {Marion Ross plays the female doctor; weakan Emily Moore in Midnight Offerings}


  • 1. Premier episode. Saw an actual photo of the boys' mother {brunette, chubby, round face}, who apparently died. They seem pretty much over it, though. Chaos erupts when Tiger chases fluffy, making the generic wedding exciting and fun!
  • 2. xmas episode where carol loses her voice, but the "miracle" here is that she gets it back in time to sing in church. nazarene-sucking crapola.
  • 3. Carol writes about the bunch for a magazine, but is reflected because they want something more "feel good", so she rewrites it to fit their theme, though it's fake. But when the magazine staff come for an early visit, they see how things really are, with typical problems, etc., prefer the 1st rendition, and publish it. I for one write it the way it is, take it or leave it.
  • 4. Carol & Mike play grandparents who despite their differences, with arrangement and encouragement of the bunch, ultimately fall for eachother, but can't get up. He's a judge and she's a spitfire.
    Because of Jan's misunderstanding while purchasing a platter inscribed with everybody's name, she owes the store $56 because she thought the salesman said 81¢ in entirely, when it's actually 81¢ per letter! So the other siblings come up withe idea to compete in a talent show calling themselves The Silver Platters, losing to a dog act, but do get a lovely plaque for their efforts, but no money. Fortunately, thanks to Alice's quick actions, Mr/s. Brady saw them on TV, and pay for the platter, considering all the fuss payment enough for their gift. Loving gesture acknowledged.

    I wonder if anybody else ever noticed the pentagram stage decor, inverted cross costume combination in the performance. 1st ever Satanic Panic stage show? 4 Pentagrams displayed to represent the 4 Crown Princes? Checkerboard flooring has also been touted as "Satanic" at one point or another by xoid fundamentalists!

    Father/son, Mother/daughter contest held at school. Mike & gregoober mock up poetry reading to make it more interesting by including props like a chicken on a string, feathers, and raining water, making for a hilariouspectacle. Carol & Marcia dress like hobos, literally dancing in a set comprised of a trashcan and bench in a park, singing "wherever we go, whatever we do, we're gonna' go through it together".

    The Bradys decide to take up show business, but gregoon gets singled out by a couple of music executives for him to "fill the suit", essentially playing a character with no deference paid to musical talent. Being that it's pretty much a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, he decides to go for it, but without the rest of the siblings. Of course, predictably, the Benedict Arnold references are cited. But he's literally utilized because he can fit into the matador suit arranged for him, as "Johnny Bravo", a celebritard poseur "musician" without the talent! Generic "music", lip-synching, the works. I can think of jason beaver and the like. He tries it out for a little while, but when they modify his voice to be unrecognizable on the recording, he quits, in a fit of dignity, returning to his siblings. But also what he could have done is used that connection to include his true content into the rest of the record, after the herd have been given their fake music to chew on. ∞


    1. Marcia gets her nose busted by a football thrown while her brothers were playing in the backyard. She breaks a date with a regular sort of fella for an opportunity to go out with a so-called "big man on campus" {sportsball player, for what it's worth after graduation, who usually end up being gay models or gomer-like "security guards", or some such} played by whom is recognized as none other than Peter Parker {Nicholas Hammond}! This must have been before he was bitten by that infamous spider! But the jockstrap rescinds when he sees the condition of her nose, thus getting a taste of her own medicine. Later upon spotting her recuperated nose, then the date's on again, but with renewed perspective, she prefers the much more ironically 'Peter Parker' guy instead!

    2. Marcia ends up joining all the clubs she can in order to make a name for herself in Highschool. From yoga {upsideown against the wall in a black leotard}, to Karate {in which she looks most fetching! flipping a jesting gregoober}, archery, etc., but what about intellectual and creative arts? Leave that up to Jan, I suppose! While sindy looks like she'd just probably gain a sugar daddy one day, or become a stripper. All this while peter works on his volcano {der. Vulcanus} for science class, which ends in a hilariousalacious scene where all the stuck-up girls in a pretentious girls club get rained on.

    3. When Jan wrecks a photo portrait intended as a gift for Mr. & Mrs. Brady's anniversary, it is determined that she needs glasses. But in order to replace the photo, the kids go back to the photography studio, but with her glasses on while she isn't wearing them in the previous picture, which Mr. Brady detects, and asks for answers. A lesson in honesty is learned.


    1. Marcia's braces. Marcia gets her top teeth wired, she develops a complex over it, thinking everybody's making fun of her and boys trying to trick her into liking her! She finally finds that one boy in particular who actually likes her, so she decides to go out on a date with him! When it just so happens that a bike accident cracked a tooth, to which he has to wear braces too!

    2. Desi Arnaz jr.: Marcia becomes infatuated with this guy, writing about him in her diary she keeps in the garage, which cindy inadvertently gives to the library donation man. She shuns cindy when she finds out, then it's up to Mr. Brady to alleviate this travail, looking all over town at bookstores and libraries. I suppose the donor collection guy didn't realize it was a diary, so took it - otherwise, why would a library want a diary at all? Unless of course, it was published that way!
    {Like "Diary of A Madman" by Ira Pettit; O Z Z Y record; "Diary of A Drugfiend" by Crowley; or The Devil's Diary magazine, Devil's Diaries / Codex Dæmonum compendium book}.
    Of course, since Marcia develops the crush, the celebritard in question has to go visit her! He kisses her on the cheek, which she swears she will not wash forevermore!

    3. Davy Jones: Marcia develops an infatuation for this guy! Singer of The Monkees. Rather generic skinny midget hobbit type overall {actually about as tall as she is!}. Somehow her school gets the impression that she knows him personally, so all her efforts are dedicated to getting in contact with him, from writing a letter to posing as a hotel waitress {along with gregoober}, until finally making her way into the studio while recording one of his lame songs}. There is a kiss, and he agrees to perform at the school event.

    4. Diva. Marcia starts out humble desiring the role of nurse in the school's play for Romeo & Juliet, but is convinced by everybody that she should play Juliet, which she finally agrees to, then it goes to her head, transforming her into a insufferable pretentious diva, which everyone then regrets. It finally gets to be too much, when she's removed from the play altogether, until she regains humility and rejoins the play as the nurse she desired in the first place. ∞


    bRaDy bUnCh: D r i v i n g

    * Rube! gregoon gets sold a lemon even though Mr. Brady told him to wait until he checks it out 1st. The guy plays on goon's desperation and gullibility. Then attempts to sell it to another sucker "friend", even though he participated in a conversation about the ethics of "gilding the lily". In a sort of guilty jinx, it ends up breaking down so he has to take it to the junkyard anyway. He got $50 for it, even though he spent $120 to his "friend". Que bono? The guy who sold goon the jalopy in the 1st place! The rest of the family were laughing at him the whole time!

    * Sibling rivalry: Marcia & a mysoginistic gregoon make a bet as to whom the better driver is. But instead of it being based on individual ability, he seems to make a stereotyped gender issue out of it, believing that women are inherently badrivers.
    Story crowtails with Jan dealing with her stagefright by imagining the audience and judges in their underwear during her debate team competition - the 1st where she froze, but eventually succeeds. Marcia uses this technique also to get over her nervousness which failed her 1stest, that was actually quite a comedic moment as everything went haywire! It works this time, and she passes.
    Now to satisfy that bet with gregoon, the family gather in a parking lot with an egg perched atop a cone {could have been a golfball, or even a hardboiled egg for later consumption, but they waste a perfectly good egg!}, so that they have to carefully drive between the cones and park without toppling the egg. The bet is amicably resolved, with a disappointed gregoon learning a lesson.

    * When Carol is in a minor fender bender with shyster "Mr. {Harry} Duggan" {Uncle Fester!/Jackie Coogan; also amusing because the character named "harry", as in "hairy", has the baldstrip on top, or the "reverse mohawk", while Fester is of course completely bald! Snake was of course flabbergasted, bouncing up and down saying "slap a flap on your cap!"} in {what I recognized as} the Safeway market parking lot, the family have to go to small claims court to resolve the issue Duggan created with exaggerated claims and comments about "women drivers" {irrelevant, which the judge also asserts}. He actually walks into the courtroom with a neckbrace on! Then Mike drops his attaché causing Duggan to turn his head normally, which the judge then recognizes as a dishonest attempt to sway the court through false pretenses, thus ruling in favor of Carol.

    * Concert: gregoon wants to get tickets to a rock concert at an arena, but he forgets that he promised to take bobby & peter to a frog jumping contest in calaveras county. But because he broke some rule, he can't use the car for 2 weeks, so he decides to borrow a friend's car to acquire the tickets, contrary to the assumed rule that he was not to drive at all. He insists that he is not break any rules in a desperate attempt to make it to the concert, so Carol & Mike hold him to an agreement that he live by exact words, which immediately becomes inconvenient when he has to do chores to wash the car, then Marcia's chore of the dishes, before midnight, even while he was on the way to go to bed.
    Seems he figures a way to make it to the concert after all, and take a date as well, but again forgot about taking his brothers to the frog jumping contest, though doing so would result in him missing the concert. Upon telling his date, she agrees to go on an alternate plant date to the drive-in instead, so after dropping the little brothers at home, goes out on the date but forget that the frogs are still in the car, at which point it turns into bedlam as the frogs start jumping around the car, and onto her head and the pizza! But she's a good sport about it, and turns into a funny silly time after all! Due to her playful nature, she's a keeper!


    * Jan is tired of standing in Marcia's shadow, so she strives to outdo her with something she hasn't done yet, but in the same general style, like simplistic air-headed activities, such as cheerleading, but eventually comes to realize that she's intelligent, academically inclined, and an artist, which she excels at. That is respectable.

    * Jan wants to be an only child, feeling crowded and desiring privacy, and though she likes it for awhile, ends up missing her siblings far too much.
    {That's what I had acquaintances for, even what I considered best friends at the time, and Karate lessons, toys [who are also friends], and the Y to keep Me occupied.}

    * When Jan sees a photo of a veritable doppelganger of herself, she doesn't remember taking that one, but is informed that it is in fact her Aunt Jenny! She grows worried that one day she's going to look like her, but who knew they had such a cool aunt!? She lives like Pipi at home, and Endora for her travels. She stops by for a visit, dispensing exotic presents, and telling tales of her world travels in a circle on the living room floor eating Asian food, all with an eccentric manner and dress. Inspiring! She's awesome and I love her!


    * Jan voted air-headed "most popular girl" in school. Surely an inferiority complex, and obvious overcompensation in her competitive feelings towards Marcia, and the middle child syndrome. She is better than that, showing intellectual potential, which she eventually realizes. But she plays the politics game, making promises she doesn't intent to keep, making them just to get elected, as in 'the ends justify the means', but when she starts becoming 'unpopular' fast, changes her tune, with a lesson in honor, fully intending on keeping each and every promise made.

    * Being on the board, a manipulative slut cons gregdork into a faux relationship to ensure or enhance her chance to 'win' the cheerleader competition. Mr. & Mrs. Brady can see the "snowjob". Thing is that Marcia was trying out for the same position, so he has to make the fair decision. Position ends up going to a 3rd more deserving girl.


    Theme: All about Alice!

    * The kids all think Alice is ratting on them, so they gove her the cold shoulder. She confides in her friend who tells her that she made a big mistake in getting involved with the family. So she decides to leave quickly and takes a job as a waitress. The kids find out where she's at, and all go to see her to talk her to return, which she thankfully and lovingly accepts.

    * Upon some eavesdropping and assuming, Marcia and Jan think that Alice is going to elope, and son the whole family is under that incorrect impression, thus planning a party for her, when all along she was talking about someone else eloping, and otherwise about a bowling competition. Well being that all the party feastivities are prepared and available, munch anyway!

    * Alice stays in bed after spraining her ankle, so it is up to the family to fend for themselves and keep the house tidy, whicb is where the hilarity ensues. One mishap after another occurs, wherein she receives repeat visits.

    * A former suitor contacts Alice, so she gets gussied up for a date. She's wined and dined, and is finally convinced to contribute money for a venture. Mr. & Mrs. Brady become suspicious and have him investigated. Turns out he's a sheister who cons women out of their money. In the end, he literally runs into Sam whose carrying a leg of lamb, knocking him unconscious to the floor, wherein Alice decides to have a little justice by watering the lout.


    Theme: boys vs. girls
    * The boys build a clubhouse, and the girls want one too, and do eventually get one built for them, after the girls act all incompetent and helpless, almost hurting themselves in the process, so the boys build one for them.

    * Motivated by women's lib, after being interviewed at school for the TV news, Marcia wants to join the boyscouts just to see if she can do all the things the boys are doing, and she can, but in the end decides it's not for her. I mean, she technically can, but why would she want to? Seems that there are other things that would be more to her interest.
    But in response to what is considered an intrusion by the boys, peter joins the "sunflower girls", the club Marcia is a part of, donning the flowered hat and vest! But that ends the second he has to sell cookies to somebody who laughs at his efforts!
    {Reminds Me of the Y, which is all inclusive, and it was just fine that way!}
    The girls win a cardhouse contest where they can go and choose whatever they want from a department store. They were considering getting a sewing machine for them, but end up getting a color TV the whole family can enjoy!

    * When an obnoxiously pesky bully starts harassing Cindy and bobby at school, teasing her about her lisp and he being a chicken, he has no choice but to learn to physically defend himself and sister, even after Mr. & Mrs. Brady attempt to converse with the parents to no avail {being cretins themselves}.
    Just goes to show My advice that a life basic is training in the Martial Arts skill & discipline, and weightlifting strength. He does knock his block off.
    Satanically, Rule 11 applies. But by and large, only the most masochistic, if not suicidal of the herd would dare "tease" or bait the Satanist into a confrontation! Besides being well able to physically defend oneself in the immediate, along with derision, the deserving sacrifice is executed by Curse.

    * Peter gets fired from a bike maintenance job after he proves to be too slow, while he feels he was just being conscientious.


    Theme: Lost & Found!

    * When Tiger goes missing, he whole bunch are on the lookout! Animals do this from time to time, and it's usually due to mating. They put up leaflets, track where he was last seen, etc. Turns out Tiger mated with a little gray dog!

    * jan mysteriously receives a locket from alice because she is also a middle child. In the meantime, she misplaces it overnight. Turns out it fell off as she was admiring the nocturnal spectacle.

    Cindy 'borrows' a pair of mom's earrings even though admonished not to by marcia, and loses them in a bathroom towel. She acquires the detective services of peter who 1st deducts that it must have gone down the sink, but when it;s not located, everybody is questioned, and even Mr. Brady's prints are taken! Everyone is a suspect! But when Carol goes looking for them to compete her Cleopatra costume, sindy admits to marcia then to carol that they went missing. So now with Mr. Brady's deductive reasoning, everybody contributing to the chain of events*, they trace it back to the laundry, where one of them is damaged.

    The family go to "King's Island" amusement park in Paris, France so that Mr. Brady can present his plans to some business associates. But the cylinders in which they were contained go missing in this large amusement park when jan borrows one for her Yogi Bear poster. Everybody combs the place looking for it, every ride, until it is found on a boat ride. The episode ends at what appears to be The Colossus at Magic Mountain.


    * Marcia enters Mr. Brady in a father of the hear contest which she has to keep secret, despite that fact that she is being punished at every turn during her sneaking around so that she can get him into the contest. But finally the contest officials arrive to inform him of his victory, which yields a really touching scene a the end wherein they embrace in a really wholesome father/daughter dynamic.

    * Cindy & bobby endeavor to break the world's record for teetertottering, or teeter-toddlering. They start at like 8 in the morning and go on all day until bedtime, at which time they start to fall asleep, and are eventually carried off to bed, despite their muted protests. But they do break the record for the activity in their demographic!

    * bobby is feeling inferior and leftout because he doesn't have any trophies to show off like his siblings. So he goes around amusingly wearing a donkey mask. 1st he tries to sell magazine subscriptions but eventually realizes that everybody's just doing it because they feel sorry for him, and thus, in an admirable bout of honor, rejects the charity and decides to try for a pie-eating contest, but 1st prize goes to a big fat kid who looks like Augustus Gloop.

    * bobby & goon greg make a bet that bobby can't do more chinups than greg, and ends up winning because it was, after all, not a feat of strength directly between them, but one of self-discipline with themselves. bobby trained, greg did not therefore, greg lost comparatively, and ends up being bobby's slave for a week! He even tags along for a drive-in date! Tearing a hole in the convertible roof with an umbrella!

    * The girls try to squelch Cindy's snooping by writing all sorts of fabrications in Marcia's diary, and it serves her right! They really taught her a lesson! She ends up thinking that a talent scout is there to see her perform to be the next "shirley temple" {actually a snobbish client of Mr. Brady's, none other than Mrs. Howell!}


    Theme was all about infatuations! Dating Shenanigans!

    * Two Petes In A Pod is a doppelganger episode when a random guy appears at school that looks just like him, of course setting off a course of contemplations, including going double-dating! He falls for Jan {who really blossomed!}, promising to help her with her homework, and eats a piece of cherry pie that would give the real Peter a rash! But to top it off, he promises to go out with a girl whose the daughter of one of Mr. Brady's clients! {she's quite fine herself!} Not knowing that he's already got a date with an amazing looking girl whose a dead ringer for My Sataina! She arrived with Halloween costume and everything! Not unlike what she'd do! {She came to My house dressed like Alice In Wonderland, carrying a red balloon! How fetishistic is that!}

    He dresses like Dracula for the Halloween party! He has to go back and forth to attend to this other gorgeous girl who wiggles in all the right places! {Her blouse features two appropriately positioned strawberries about the chest area}

    * Peter & The Wolf: Peter and goon greg double-date with these amazing girls by going to the drive-in. One of them who was a formally very awkward like nerd girl blossomed into a gorgeous blonde bombshell! Peter wears a fake mustache to appear older and conceal his identity as greg's brother.

    On a secondate, when they find out about the ruse, they decide to pay a trick on greg by devoting all their attention to Peter, acting all infatuated, as greg remains annoyed until he notices that Mr. & Mrs. Brady are in the same restaurant, entertaining a mexican client and his wife {she was also in KR: Knight of The Phoenix as Maggie's housekeeper Luce!}

    * Jan wants to be different, so she goes to buy a black wig like a Liza Minelli hairdo, but sadly ends up looking quite goofy. I say she should just dye the hair she already has black, and wear black clothing, which would definitely make her stand pout among the Bradys!

    * Jan has her eye on a boy from her school, but he becomes mesmerized by Marcia, to which now Jan thinks Marcia somehow "stole" his attention away from her, but it turns out it;s because she's just too tomboyish, and needs to accentuate her feminine assets. When she does, he really appreciates it!


    THEME: All about infatuation!

    * bobby falls for Melissa Sue Anderson {Midnight Offerings} when she gives him a peck on the cheek in thanks for defending her from being picked on at school {he's got the safety instinct!}, making him see rockets! Just to make sure, he goes back to her house to see if it's fireworks or rockets.

    * Jan falls for a young dentist. VERY oral episode! Her eyes beam as he inserts these phallic objects in her mouth. She imagines dates, going steady, then eventual marriage! He should have taken advantage of that infatuation when he had the chance! Satan knows I always do! Dementia... Ronna... Kerrie... the more the better! Take it when the opportunity presents itself!

    * Peter falls in lust with one of Jan's friends who comes over to the house. He resorts to using that dork greg like a Cyrano to seduce her {he just recites, doesn't create}, but she discovers that greg's in the bushes, and falls for him, causing resentment with peter. So greg must now 'turn her off' to him and get her attention back onto peter by acting like a sod & a heel {even getting Marcia in on it, dressing in a black wig and sunglasses acting like a jilted love}, which works, when she decides to go out with peter.


    peter says bobby saved his life when a ladder containing paintcans falls in the backyard and bobby gets covered in green paint. To repay his efforts, he follows bobby around seeking to do all his chores for him. Well, eventually peter thinks that he's being taken advantage of, so they develop the split room dynamic like Herman & Grandpa {A House Divided}, and Addams Family {Morticia and Gomez vs. Fester and Grandmama}.

    * bobby is chosen to be a safety but everybody thinks he's a rat for doing his duty, but it's not until he starts bringing that duty home when it really becomes annoying.

    He helps a girl retrieve her cat named "Pandora" from an abandoned house, gets all dirty from the chimney soot, and makes it back to the house to wash up.

    * bobby feels too short for anything, taking certain names like "shrimpo" very personally. Thing is, nobody bothered to tell him that he'll eventually grow taller, it's just that he's too young yet. and just has to be patient. But he makes such a big deal about it, that even the girls start moving the tape he put on the door to measure himself down a notch in an effort to make him feel better, which just frustrates him further. He even picks a fight with a much bigger boy, earning him a shiner.

    At one point he's even compared to Napoleon for a relative sense of perspective. But it's not until he helps doofus greg out of the freezeroom at Sam's meatshoppe by fitting through the small window, that he earns a sense of value.

    * The runaway episode. bobby is feeling ignored by the rest of the family, so he decides to run away, although he obviously does't take certain factors into consideration, like where to go and money to survive on. In order to show them they love him, Mrs. Brady decides to run away with him, which seems to prove that he is actually loved after all.


    * Comprised of the Hawaii vacation starring Vincent Price!

    * Peter has to stand up for Cindy on account of some bully calling her babytalk at school. But when he doesn't stand up for himself, he gets picked on too, being called chicken peter. The parents are more or less the same way. peter has to eventually slug the lug to stop the harassment.

    * greg tries to "grow up" to be a hippie, but just ends up looking like a goofy rodeo clown, and making a fool out of himself to a gorgeous senior girl. Double dork! Even Mr. Brady temporarily lends his den to the doofus, who turns it into a lame shame.

    * The Bradys went camping to The Grand Canyon, end up being imprisoned in an old jail cell by a desert hobo who thought they wanted his erstwhile 'gold' {probably in "Calamity" towne at Universal}; they meet an native boy and eventually his chief father who ends up naming the kids with cool animal names! And then they do a tribal dance! They were also witness to an actual raindance which of course then rains!


    * Cindy thinks Bobby took her Kitty Carryall, so family court is held with Alice presiding, wherein it is determined that he's not lying, but Cindy's not convinced. It's not until the true culprit absconds with Bobby's kazoo where they trace the packrat dog back to his doghouse, where several other items are found!

    * Cindy feels leftout that her sisters are going out on dates, so she begins acting out by putting on loose-fitting clothing, makeup, letting her hair down in various configurations, calling herself "Cynthia", even almost talking herself into a date with a caller for Jan! So Bobby gets the idea to pretend to be a secret admirer, but when his cover threatens to be blown, he bribes another kid to stand in, but ends up genuinely liking her after they begin paying together in the backyard, after she sheds the stuffy attitude; he even gives Bobby back his Kennedy [1/2 $] coin!

    * Cindy becomes quite a little tattletale, incriminating everybody around her with needlessly revealed information, that becomes misunderstood or exaggerated. She almost got Alice in trouble with Sam!

    During all of this, Alice enters a poetry contest for a company, and ends up winning a stereo, which she shares with the whole family. But only after having found the gift certificate also taken by the dog!

    * Cindy enters a quiz contest featuring various school competitions. Televisionitis! But she freezes when the camera light turns on, and all this after she'd been having an attitude problem about being a TV star, annoying her siblings. She even called Bobby 'stupid' because he didn't pass the test to get in, but in reality, it was because he didn't study, is all. Meaning it really wasn't all that important to him after all.


    Football theme

    * Bobby & Cindy collude to get Joe Namath to visit by pretending that he's sick, and it works!

    * A negro professional player eventually defends Peter for his singing interests, while the other players were calling him "sissy", which makes zero sense. Completely and totally irrelevant to his capability of playing sportsball. Weak plot & simplistic reasoning I've never heard of before. Maybe it's jealousy of his talents?

    * Marcia becomes infatuated with a rival sportsball player to that of mutant hobbit greg. It's like he's jealous that she's sucking his dick instead of his! Again with the tight gay ringed sweater shirt, and his sideburns seem to connect to his eyebrows! While bobby goes around being an amateur photographer, taking "natural" photos of everyone, one photo actually displaying Alice's super secret recipe!

    Baseball theme

    * Greg becomes infatuated with his math teacher named "Linda", after the Bradys start to wonder why he's failing the subject; seems like he was writing her sticky poetry in his notebook, so they try to figure out who this "Linda" is...

    Another girl just moved into town recently from Seattle also named Linda, before Greg becomes a dopey-looking goofball who looks like he could be related to Alfred P. Newman. The baseball element comes in when her boyfriend comes into class who happens to be some famous player during a meeting with Mr. Brady.

    Speaking of a scarcity of Lindas, Lynda Carter would later cum into consciousness as Wonder Woman! That would have made for an amazing cameo!

    * Greg becomes infatuated with baseball itself after an encouraging visit from Don Drysdale, who thinks he has potential to be a major league player. So now he has to have a talk about some of the setbacks to balance him out, because he was talking about quitting school, then his team gets beat. The ethical lesson here is to make sportsball one of the things he enjoys, not the only focus.

    * Mr. & Mrs. Brady decide to change places one weekend to see how the other half deals with their responsibilities. Mrs. Brady actually looks kind of sexy here, but falls all over herself trying to play with the boys. While Mr. Brady makes a mess of the kitchen with the girls. But it is rather ridiculous how the writers had him fail at some of the simplest things, which would probably never really happen {exaggerations}, while he retained honor and insisted on cleaning up all his own messes. They both end up sore for their troubles.

    * Greg and Marcia feud over some dork on his shitlist, because he shows him up at every turn, while she develops an infatuation, and probably sucks his dick instead of his. Greg really looks like some sort of gaytard in this one, with a tight shirt, hoop pullring, and thick belt. Maybe he would've been jealous of her instead!


    * Bobby being a Safety monitor called "Law & Disorder". He does eventually become a little pest by acting like a total stickler, becoming obsessed with enforcing the 'rules', whatever and wherever they are, even bringing the attitude from school to the house! To the point where nobody wants to deal with him! Whereupon saving a cat named "Pandora" from an abandoned house, gets covered in fireplace soot, requiring a change of clothing, at which point he proceeds to overflow the washing machine by adding too much detergent!

    {I was a Safety at Carpenter Avenue for two years. Have a badge, card, and everything! I was so good at it, I thought I was going to be a cop!}

    * Greg wants to go to a concert but is being grounded for not paying attention to the read while driving the car, so that privilege is suspended. I mused that he's trying to get to The County Club in Reseda!

    He eventually makes another deal with parentage that he was not aware of the specific stipulations of the grounding after being caught driving someone else's car to get the tickets. So an addendum is placed on the conditions of the grounding wherein now he has to live by exact words, resulting in having to do 2 chores late at night before midnight. Then on the day of the concert, he has to take Bobby to a frog jumping contest, curtailing the concert experience, I still would have tried to go anyway! At least they have been able to see the main performance! But instead opt to go to the drive-in, albeit with a cute brunette girl, who is impressively patient and understanding overall, so she's a keeper!

    In order to generate funds to pay for an inscripted platter to celebrate their anniversary, the kids perform at a music show but come in second place, so they can't pay for the platter yet. And they call themselves - get this - "the 'silver' platters"! Of course, there's already a group called "the platters"! But I was amused by the pentagrams of the stage decor!

    * Cindy takes mom's earrings from Marcia who borrowed them, then misplaces them when Alice places the contents of the laundry bag to wash. Seems she placed them under a towel while avoiding her dirty little deed, as they disappeared but are eventually retrieved, thanks at least in part due to the sleuthing of Bobby & Mr. Brady, who had just returned with wife from a costume contest.

    * Bobby becomes an amateur photographer, though kind of annoying in the way he'd be intrusive in capturing everyday activities unexpectedly, to get that "natural" photo, but has no consideration for the subjects! He inadvertently saves a recipe Alice thought was lost due to thoughtless erasures of her chalkboard about 'football'! Which was Greg's thing in this episode. He wanted to play, and was about to preserve himself through the regular playoffs, except he hairline cracked his ribs, so had to stop, but went instead for official team photographer.

    Right after that, Jan went to try out for cheerleaders in an attempt to outdo her sister and make her own mark. This is the source of "Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!" Her talents lay more intellectually in writing rather than athletics.

    <~ !kcaB


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